I am beginning to dread Monday, it’s the day that I weigh and message Connor with the result. I dread it, not because I worry about what Connor might think or say, he is nothing but supportive and encouraging. I dread it because of my own reaction. I know that if it’s not a good result, then my mood immediately drops and all my good intentions become even more difficult to achieve.
I got up this morning, just after six, got on the scales only to see that I am the same weight, have lost diddly squat! I’m gutted, went straight back to bed and tried to switch off by starting a new crochet project, did it work, no! I am gutted, can’t get away from the thought that it’s no use trying.
Yesterday, at Connors suggestion, I tried to up my steps from 1000 to 1500 per day. I succeeded, in fact I did 1930! I actually walked around my block of flats, and managed it without it sending my heart all over the place. Can’t be bothered to do it today, what’s the point is what that ugly dark voice in my head is saying (thoughts, I am not hearing voices!).
I have to go to Sainsbury’s in a minute, as I am out of basics, please God don’t make me buy and eat crap!
God, I really wish that we did not have to eat, how my life would improve without it. I’m beginning to realise that I hate the damn stuff. I shove food down my throat, and fucking hate it, even the stuff that tastes so good.
Vince's weight loss and life as a survivor! 
Hey Vince. I know exactly what you’re going through!! End of July I weighed in at 15st 3Lb (back at C.A.R.E. I averaged between 9 1/2 & 10 1/2 st). 30 plus years & 3 kids later I’m now not!! I’ve now lost 1 stone! But I’ve got stuck & still have about 4 to go! It is hard, depressing, disheartening etc etc. And some days I fall off the wagon. But it is worth it. It WILL be worth it. And also you’ve got to think – as you do lose weight it really does lift your mood! But also remember that at every weigh-in you might not always lose. Not losing anything is good – it means you haven’t put it on!! Keep going, keep going. You will get there. When you don’t lose much & you’re disappointed, Channel that into something else positive. Anything. We’re going through this together & can swap notes when we meet up!! Luv ya 😘
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I wonder what would happen if you could change that little voice in your head to “I didn’t gain weight” , a negative to a positive. Just keep upping those steps. If nothing else it will slowly (yes, I did say slowly) improve your fitness. You know the story of the tortoise and the hare and how the tortoise won even though he was very slow. He just kept on plodding along. Be that tortoise my friend. x
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Wow! I really like the analogy of the tortoise and hare. Being the size I am, i think I’ll be a giant tortoise in the Galapagos! Genuinely thank you, that really does help.
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