The long, long road of ‘shielding’ from Covid-19

I have been ‘shielding now for 7 weeks, 7 long, long weeks. If I’m honest it is really beginning to get me down. I sit here and I crochet, which you will know is my favourite pastime, but you can only crochet for so long. So then I switch hobbies and do some painting in some adult colouring books, but to be honest, I am rubbish at it, so don’t paint for very long.

It’s almost worse since our illustrious leader, Boris, has started to relax the lockdown measures. Now people are allowed out, I’m jealous! I sit here with my French door open, letting in the fresh air seeing al the people going out, so much more than they did last week, and at times I have almost been in tears because I can’t go out too.

Since lockdown has started those seven weeks ago, I have been receiving therapy twice a week, from two different therapists, in collaboration with each other, one is my regular general therapy and the other is an assessment for a specific type of therapy, DBT (dialectical behavioural therapy). It was decided last weeks session, on Friday she is not going to offer me DBT, instead she is going to offer me something called Cognitive Analytical Therapy, CAT., never heard of it before, so I suppose I had better read up on it and find out what I will be putting myself through.

I’ve had a horrible week, been having lots of awful, graphic flashbacks, which has rendered me short of sleep and on a couple of times not wanting to and in fact stopping myself from going into bed at all.

I get these awful feelings of hatred towards the perpetrator. One of the things that concerns me about the whole sordid situation is that he has made me hate and oh, how I loathe hatred. It is such a destructive emotion and due to my physical health, there is noting I can do whilst these feeling are raging in me like an out of control machine gun, discharging bullets willy billy. I can’t go for a run, or physically punch the shit out of a pillow. It would literally put my life in danger. So I just sit here an seethe.

Bastard, fucking selfish perverted bastard.

God, how I long to hear that he has died.

Have not checked this please excuse any typos/spelling mistakes.