Bariatric surgery or not

Had a consultation this morning with a Mr James Byrne, a bariatric surgeon. The first thing that happened was I had to get on the dreaded scales and be weighed. I was dreading it as I know that the weight limit for bariatric surgery at this hospital is 28st, and I knew that I was heavier than that.

I couldn’t believe it when the nurse told me that I was 26st 3lb! I’ll take that!

Then went in to see Mr Byrne, a lovely, amiable man. Kind and understanding. He was in agreement that one of the three surgeries available would be hugely beneficial to my overall health but because of my heart condition, (my heart is permanently beating an irregular rhythm – Atrial fibrillation), he is concerned that I may not be able to take the operation. If I’m honest, that bought me right down with a bump. I was completely deflated. I told the surgeon straight that I was desperate for the operation, as I am sure it is linked to my mental health. I informed him, not as a form of blackmail, but as the truth, that I was worried because either the excess weight I am carrying would kill me or I would die by my own hand as I feel that I cant carry on like this.

I am tired, tired of being fat, tired of being depressed, tired of being tired! Just bloody tired

You see, this is what happens to me, I get along ok, feel quite good and then bang, i come tumbling down like a sack of crap, i cant help it. The saying goes that I cant see the wood for the trees, well I cant the effing forest at times.

What upsets me when this happens is that all this is a minor set, not the end of the story at all. I have to see the anaesthetist to see if Imy heart will take the aneasthesia. God I hope so.

By the way, I also have a chronic anxiety order…..