A new year, a new start!

I’ve called this entry, ‘Anew year, a new start’. I know that it’s a bit of a cliche, but like most cliches, they have an element of truth in them.

Firstly , I feel that a bit of an explanation is called for. I’ve been absent from this blog for several weeks now, some of that was deliberate, some of it not. Let’s start with the bit that was not deliberate, its easiest!

For a couple of weeks, well approx 16 days, I was struck down, that’s actually a bit too dramatic. I had a bit of a nasty virus. It couldn’t quite make up its mind, whether it was a cold, ear nose and throat, sinus or chest infection, over the course of the fortnight or so, it moved up down, left right, all over the bloody joint and for its duration it’s true to say that I felt rotten and the last thing on my mind was writing an entry on the blog! I’m over it now, have been for a couple of weeks, to be fair. Consulted the Doctor (by phone, didn’t think it was worth a face to face consultation) and she was absolutely right, just sit it out and let it run its course, so I did and it did! Lesson to be learnt there!

The other reason that I have left it alone was I became acutely aware that my past was dominating my every thought, I couldn’t get away from it. I shut my eyes and there it was, I closed my ears and there it was, I tried to sleep and there it was and I tried to write and there it was. I thought at first that it was having a cathartic effect and maybe it was.

I then thought that just maybe it was doing me no good, ranting on and on, venting it all out. I had some fantastic support from those of you who were kind enough to read my writings and they really helped, more than I can say, but I also thought that the right place to vent all these thoughts was the therapy room. That’s what therapy is there for. Hopefully, therapy will give me the tools to deal with these thoughts.

I’m not saying that it will never come up again, that would be a foolish statement, its bound to. An experience such as that, is obviously never going to be that far from my thoughts. I am, though going to make a concerted effort not to let it dominate. I am going to try my hardest to no longer let it define me, for defining me it was.

I don’t make New Year Resolutions, thay set you up to fail. I made one thirty years ago and have never broken it. What was it? I resolved never to make another resolution! So it may raise its ugly head again but hopefully it will not be the sole topic if my meandering.

I am acutely aware that it is 01.13 in the morning of a new decade. It’s amazing to realise that we are 20 years into the 21st century. Who remembers to the fear of the millennium bug? It is 23 years since Tony Blair won his landslide victory and entered No. 10. I remember that day so well.

My younger brother had been placed into a medical coma, he had pancreatitis and was given a less than 5% chance of survival. He did survive, against all odds. He was awoken after 6 weeks on the morning Blair won the election. In the time he was in the coma, our Grandfather had died and was cremated, his daughter had her first birthday (on the day my Grandfather died!) and she started to walk. To paraphrase a quote from the sixties ‘that was a six weeks, that was!

It also means that it is thirty years since the fall of Margaret Thatcher, thirty years, can you believe it?

Still fat. Not lost any weight. I’m going to ask my therapist, when I next see her to refer me to the eating disorders clinic, she seems to think that I have an eating disorder (and after doing some reading, I’m inclined to agree with her) and she has promised to refer me, I now think that the time for that referral is now.

I’m still crocheting. Was in fact crocheting when the New Year struck. I’m making myself a messenger bag, whatever that is, it looks more like a crochet satchel if you ask me, anyway as soon as it’s finished. I’ll post a picture of it and perhaps you’ll tell me what you think.

Still belong to the Rock Choir, we are on break at the moment, restart week beginning 13 Jan. Can’t wait.

What else? Well that’s about it really. Can’t think of anything else to bore you all with, except to wish you all a really great 2020. I send you all love and hope that the next year is better than the last. (Hope that doesn’t sound too ‘Darius’, lol!).